An Open Letter to Those Who Do Not Have a “Friend Group”

Dear you sitting down wondering if there is something wrong with you for not having a “friend group,"

The majority of us were raised in a society whose media portrayed big groups of friends who did everything together and knew everything about each other. Its programs made us believe that we needed to have a lot of friends to get us through every little trial that might crop up in our lives; that we were “losers" if we didn’t have a huge social circle or if we had no specific plans for a Friday night. It was as if we didn’t have Chandler, Joey, Monica, Phoebe, Rachel, and Ross, we were subpar human speciments. But, is that the truth?

In reality, there aren’t a lot of us who have or belong to a “friend group." Many of us only have a few good friends whose we number we can measure with the fingers of one hand. We have carefully selected people we trust and made sure they’d stand by us because we were too afraid of getting hurt by flighty acquaintances. Together, we looked from the sidelines as other “friend groups" made plans and became popular in high school.

Has this ever made you feel bad about yourself? Have you ever spent time wishing the “cool kids" would invite you over? Have you ever dreamed of what it might feel like to be chosen as one of those people in this-or-that distant “friend group"? Has this ever made you feel like an “outsider"? If the answer to any of these questions is yes, don’t fret, because you are not alone. There are a lot of us who can relate to these feelings. We’re the ones who end up finding each other somewhere down the road.

Yes, a “friend group" is something good; no one can deny that. However, just because you do not have one, that doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. Being part of one is not a necessity. A few friends can be just as good and meaningful, if not more so. You will make memories and share fun moments. You will have these chums by your side when things go wrong and they will be the first ones to celebrate your triumphs. They’ll never betray you because they know how special your friendship is.

On days when you’re struggling because you wish you had that big “friend group" to hang out with, remind yourself that the bonds you’ve created are special. You don’t need to go to wild parties or on crazy spring break trips to be doing life right. What matters is that you create friendships that make you feel loved and cared for; that the people you have surrounded yourself with – whether it is one person or ten – are the kind who will make you proud to have by your side and who will be proud to have you by theirs.

Even though the media portrays “friend groups" as must-haves, they’re more luxurious than essential. They may say you need a Penny, a Leonard, an Amy, a Sheldon, a Bernadette, a Raj, and a Howard, but even if you just have Keenan & Kel, your antics will be just as fun.