Sometimes, in life, you’re going to have to go through things that you never thought you could handle.
For a lot of you, this may sound relatively tame, but one of the hardest things that I had to get through that I didn’t think I would survive was the break up of a long term relationship. I had just gotten out of a four year relationship almost a year ago and I honestly didn’t think I would survive. I was completely dependent on my partner. He drove me everywhere, picked me up from work and dropped me off. He had a car and I didn’t. I refused to take the bus or public transportation. He had a full time job and I was struggling to survive paycheck to paycheck from my part time job. He pretty much paid for everything I needed. I was with him every single day and every time I had a family event or a friend's party, I brought him along. So safe to say, you didn’t see me without him.
I knew we were growing apart because our conversations were pretty short and quiet. Car rides were silent. We stopped saying, “I love you." I somewhat knew it was over but it still hurt pretty hard when he decided to end things. It wasn’t a messy break up at all. It was somewhat mutual and very understanding. However, from someone who was completely dependent on a person, I saw my life crashing down. We didn’t talk for a couple weeks after the break up to give each other space and time. For those two weeks, I didn’t tell anyone. I kept it to myself but I locked myself in my room. I didn’t return any of my texts, phone calls, barely even ate. I had convinced myself that my life was pointless because I didn’t have him anymore. I spent most of my days crying and sleeping. I skipped work just to cry and sleep all day. It got to the point where I started picturing scenarios about how everybody’s life would be better if I had just disappeared.
After bottling my feelings in for a couple weeks, I ended up breaking down in front of my supervisor from my work place. I explained to her what happened and she was there with me throughout the entire process. She mentioned that I should pick up a hobby to get to know myself and keep myself occupied. I started being more passionate about my blog and social media career. I taught myself how to take the bus and after a couple more weeks of contemplating, I enrolled back into school. The school that I originally was with had rejected me because it was a while since I’ve been in school so my supervisor helped me to enroll into a new school, which is the school I’m currently in, Southern New Hampshire University.
I honestly didn’t think I would survive my break up. I had pictured us getting married and starting a family of our own, so when it ended, it felt like a knife just pierced through my heart. Thankfully, I had my supervisor there to walk me through everything and pick me back up.
For those of you who are struggling with something, talk to someone. I bottled my feelings inside and locked myself in my room for almost three weeks. I let my negative thoughts get to me so who knows what would have happened if I didn’t break down in front of my supervisor? Talk to someone whether it’s a best friend, a parent, a supervisor or even a therapist. After the break up, I learned how to take public transportation, I enrolled back into (a new) school and I became more serious about my blog. For those of you who don’t think it’s possible to bounce back from something, hear me: It is possible. It all starts with talking to someone you trust and look up and it goes from there. I can’t thank my supervisor enough for being there for me and bringing me back up when I felt like I lost everything. So please, talk to someone if you’re struggling or feel like you can’t survive something. It makes all the difference.
Fast forward to January 2018, we’re still not together but we are friendly and still talk and hang out when we can. But I’ve grown to accept the break up and I’ve been rediscovering myself ever since. It’s crazy to look back and think about how low I felt after the break up but it’s incredible to see how far I’ve come.