The world of dating is a messy, complicated place. Dating today is not what it used to be. There was an expectation that a couple could go to dinner, spend time getting to know one another, and maybe hold hands or innocently kiss. While this might be old fashioned, there were boundaries and expectations set around these dates. Today, dating has evolved into what is simple and easy, into something worth fighting for. Relationships aren’t set to the same expectations as they used to be. For some, it feels like a chore to go on a real date, when it reality it should be something exciting. In light of this, and those mixed emotions we often feel the first few months of dating, here are some things to look for to know if you are in fact with Mr. or Ms. Right.

Do they make you feel at ease?

This should be a pretty easy answer. Do you ever feel ‘on’ around this person? Do you have to be the best version of yourself at all times, or they won’t like what they see on the other side? If so, they are not the person for you. In the beginning, we all want to put out best foot forward. We wear nicer outfits, put more effort into our appearance, because it is new. A few months into the relationship, things start to settle into a routine. The comfort and familiarity begins, and your guard comes down. Don’t get me wrong, you should always put effort into your relationship, but you should care less about what you look like and more about how you feel. If you still feel like you are on edge to be the best, maybe they aren’t for you. You should begin to feel relaxed. Things are supposed to be natural and easy with them. If they don’t make you feel at ease now, they never will.

Do they motivate you?

We are in a world that is constantly changing. We have to change with it. Jobs, friends, passion, it all changes and forces us to grow. We have to stay focused and motivated to make it through. The person you date should encourage you to grow and stay strong. They want you to succeed, and go after that new job. You want to start working out more? They won’t nag you about going to the gym, but they’ll hold you accountable when you really need the encouragement. The person you date has to motivate you to be better, because sometimes we forget to do that ourselves. They should also have their own ambition and expectations which you encourage. If they aren’t motivated now, it’s likely they won’t ever find that spark.

Do they like your friends?

This might seem like a question that you could take or leave. For some, having a significant other who is like your friends isn’t that big of a deal. But, who knows you better than your friends? Aside from family, these are the people who have seen you at your best and worst. They know your quirks, and want you to be happy. In many ways, they are an extension of your personality. So, if the person you are dating doesn’t like them, are they going to end up liking you? Friend groups can make or break relationships, and for good reason. They don’t have to be best buds, but they should make the effort to get along with your group. It will be beneficial to everyone in the end.

Do they want more?

This is an open ended question. It could be they want more experiences abroad. If could be they want more furniture in the apartment. It all comes back to whether or not the person you are dating wants more out of life, and has goals for themselves. Do they want more from themselves, and from you? Do they see a future and want to attain it? Someone who is stuck in the present, and does not think about long term goals, might not be in the mindset for a long term relationship. If they can’t see a future for themselves a couple months to a year into dating, they likely can’t imagine a future with you. If we don’t think of the big picture, you can lose steam in the relationship. You have to start building dreams together at some point.

If you answered yes to all of these, then you are headed in the right direction for a healthy long term relationship. If you had to stop and think, it might be time to take a step back. There is no such thing as the perfect person, or the perfect relationship. But if they don’t make you feel like your best self, or help you become your best self, they aren’t worth your time.