It started in the senior year of college; the all-consuming hopelessness. I was an overachiever on a full scholarship who simply didn't know when to stop or ask for help. In the end, my obsession with self-reliance was my downfall. Believing that I had to do everything on my own set me on a path to burnout and eventually, the choice to take time off from school to reclaim my mental health.
Putting school on hold was was probably the most difficult decision that I've made in my life—one that helped me grow, and become a stronger advocate on both a personal and professional level. Here's what I learned along the way.
Before I knew how to recognize the signs of burnout, I tended to take on whatever people asked of me as a matter of pride—I had always been an independent and capable person and felt valued when people sought me out for help. I remember skipping meals to support a friend who broke up with a partner and staying up most nights to comfort them. I would tutor friends who were overwhelmed by midterms—instead of opting for alone time, sleep, and exercise.
I was giving everyone else so much of my energy that I no longer had any for myself. I started noticing that I would become quickly overwhelmed. I had a short fuse and would get angry or cry easily. I experienced my first panic attack. With time, I learned that helping others at the expense of my wellbeing wasn't truly helping anyone.
It was hard to set boundaries at first, but it was the first step of improving my mental health.
When burnout set in, I was sleeping less than two hours a night and my physical health was deteriorating. Blood tests revealed that I was anemic and experiencing vitamin deficiencies. Once I took my leave, I prioritized balanced meals over fast food or convenience store snacks. Getting enough sleep was also high on my to-do list.
Sleep deprivation and a poor diet are linked with so many health issues—lack of sleep increases your blood pressure, negatively impacts your mental health, and has been linked with increased prevalence of major medical conditions such as diabetes, heart attack, and stroke. A poor diet can exacerbate these symptoms even further.
The most visible sign of my descent into stress was that I stopped exercising. I love being outdoors—hiking, biking, kayaking, even snowshoeing in the winter—and going to the gym, especially to lift weights.
Exercising lets me forget my troubles to the point that I feel that I can conquer anything—and I know I'm not alone in this thinking. When I exercise regularly, my sleep improves and mental health improves.
Growing up, I had always kept my worries out of the concern that telling others would be a bother. When it came to college, this was probably one of the largest reasons why I crashed. Several peers asked if I was okay as my health worsened, but I dismissed them. The result? Burnout for me, and guilt for those who may have felt they could have done more.
After taking my leave, I realized that I needed to get serious about the signs and symptoms of stress and let people in when they offered support. After discussing my struggles with close friends and family, I vocalized my plans to overhaul my lifestyle and began regularly asking them for input on whether I was improving. Their feedback helped me stay on track while and learn more about any of my possible triggers and pitfalls from an outsider's perspective.
Many students are afraid to admit when they are struggling as they worry about what others will think—but they shouldn't. My professors were so supportive when I reached out to them in crisis. They deferred my exams and worked with me to decide on a finals schedule that best fit my plans for recuperation. Many even opened up about their own struggles, which gave me hope that I would get through the experience.
Taking a mental health leave was scary and incredibly difficult, but it ended up being an opportunity to find strength and transformation. I discovered that no one is okay 100% of the time and that it's okay to rely on others and to be vulnerable. As aa social worker, it's something that I model for my clients to this day.
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